In Defense of a Young Paul McCartney

The Guardian has a piece today about the earliest example of writing by Paul McCartney--an essay he wrote when he was just 10.

The essay has specialist significance for Beatles enthusiasts thanks to a grammatical error, ringed in red by his English master at Joseph Williams primary school in Belle Vale. Although McCartney may have been wrong to begin two sentences with the conjunction "But", his capital Bs reveal the same twirly ends later used on the Beatles' drum skin in 1962 – his contribution to the design. (Read the rest.)

Let's just have a moment of awww for how cute this is. We always liked Ringo for his big, goofy nose. But now, we're going with the crowd. Paul McCartney really is the cutest Beatle, at least until someone digs up Ringo's math homework from third grade.

McCartney's only real mistake here was starting a sentence with a conjunction in an English class. English teachers are often wrongly hung up on this non-error. Great writers have started sentences with conjunctions for at least as long as English teachers have been slinging red pens. It's not worth arguing the point with the teachers, though, because they're the ones who have the power to give out the points that count toward one's grade.

Diagnosis: Bangorrhea

Oh, MC Hammer. We're worried about you and your exclamation points. You might stab yourself on one. Do we need an intervention?

Putting the Twit in Twitter

From Jessica Simpson's Twitter feed:

Is "asks" even a word? If not, sorry 4 my layziness with grammar.
6 minutes ago from UberTwitter

love it when the lyric of a song asks me a question
14 minutes ago from web

This is one of those times when additional commentary feels unnecessary.

Do You Think the Jury Will Notice?

Note to self:

When you become a dermatologist taking care of a world-famous celebrity who most likely has an addiction to the narcotic Demerol, have someone proofread your letter so that when the inevitable court case comes about, you don't look like you went to medical school in a South American strip mall.

Thanks to Jessica M. for the find.

Michael Jackson's Curious Coffin

We received this e-mail on the 4th of July from Jessica M., who was clearly avoiding getting a sunburn. We were amused by her rant and are reproducing her comments in their entirety because Michael Jackson is being laid to rest today and it seemed as inappropriate as everything else related to his untimely death:

Soooo, it appears information about Jackson's casket have been released. Alas, the attention to detail in the coffin was not used on the reporting. It appears that this is a "custom casket" and that "This is the same casket used to bury James Brown."

Now I know I'm a word nerd, but this leaves me with two impressions: (I'll get to my issues with the name of the casket in a moment)

A) this is not really a custom casket in the normal usage of the phrase, since this "Promethean" model is made for others who can afford it...but, I'll leave them alone on that one since they didn't say "one of a kind."

but....

B) "THE SAME CASKET USED TO BURY JAMES BROWN!?!?!" .....ummmmm, OK, that's a little unusual, No?
Did they dig him up so they could use the same casket again? Sorry reporters, this one I can't let slide. Perhaps "the same model of casket" or "a similar casket" would have been more accurate reporting.
Then again, they do say the casket is "extremely rare" and I suppose if Jackson is getting to use the exact same casket that James Brown is/was in then that would, really and truly - be very, very, very rare. It's also just the sort of weird thing Jackson might have wanted. Therefore, when dealing with someone as strange as Michael Jackson, it really seems best to be very specific.

Michael Jackson's $25,000 Custom Casket
Jul 2nd 2009 6:22PM
A $25,000, solid bronze, 14-karat gold plated, custom casket has been ordered for Michael Jackson.The casket -- ordered last night from Batesville Casket Company -- is called a Promethean and will feature a flame blue velvet interior and a hand-polished, mirror finish.This is the same casket used to bury James Brown... and is extremely rare.
____________________________________________________________________________

The rest of this e-mail has nothing to do with picking on the news. Now I'd like to pick on casket makers:

I have to question the Batesville Casket Company's wisdom on naming the casket the "Promethean." I don't know about you, but for me this brings to mind the titan of the same name chained to a rock, having his liver eaten daily by a huge bird as punishment by Zeus for giving humans fire. "Promethean" seems like a better name for a model of urn because of the whole fire thing...maybe...but nobody asked me.

There is also the small trouble of a Promethean usually being a soulless shell, either made from clay or other "parts." Clearly this was what Marry Shelley took away from the name Promethean - her famous book is actually titled "Frankenstein: a The Modern Prometheus" but most current publications have dropped the subtitle. Perhaps it's just me, but I don't want my loved ones and Promethean to be linked together in my mind.

In other awesomeness, "Promethean: The Created" is a video game that has this description:
A Promethean is created from the corpse of a human by a creator; in certain cases, desired components from more than one corpse are combined into a single end-product. Very rarely, otherwise inanimate matter may be used, making a sort of magical android similar to a Golem but with considerably greater variation in form and composition. The Promethean is not human, in either the physiological or cognitive sense. It is a corpse that walks, its autonomic functions and soul replaced by the power of the Divine Fire. While the Divine Fire allows him to pass as a human from a distance, it does not make up for the lack of a soul. When a Promethean spends enough time around humans, the humans begin to fall prey to Disquiet, the feeling that there is something not just fundamentally different, but utterly wrong about the Promethean. Disquiet initially manifests itself as distrust or avoidance of the Promethean; at its worst, it can blossom into mindless rage that can only be abated by the death of the Promethean. Different Promethean Lineages generate different manifestations of Disquiet, each with their own enervating effect on the local environment and population. Disquiet affects more than just mortals; a Promethean who spends too long in one place will find the landscape and environment itself becoming tainted by his Disquiet, eventually turning into a Wasteland. Leaving the tainted zone far behind allows the land to eventually heal, but it does require the Promethean to keep on the move.

Since the video game was made back in 2006, they clearly weren't talking about Michael Jackson, but still...

Thanks for joining me on my random proofreading and Promethean coffin name tangent!

Irony in Ink

From the Huffington Post:

So much for no regrets!
"Heroes" starlet Hayden Panettiere likes to show off the tattoo she has running down her left side, but it seems to have been misspelled.

Often visible above her dresses for the first word, the tattoo in full reads "Vivere senza rimipianti," which is meant to be "to live without regrets" in Italian.

Unfortunately for Hayden, her tattoo reads "rimipianti" instead of "rimpianti," adding an extra "i."

Ay-yi-yi!

Things That Make Us Go Hmmmm....

Linking verbs can be tough. There are the easy forms, such as "to be." These verbs link a subject to an adjective, which is why you say, "I am short" instead of "I am shortly." It's also why you say "I feel bad" instead of "I feel badly," unless you are, in fact, talking about your sense of touch.

But there are sometimes subtler cases.

For example, Joan Rivers got all pissy with someone on "Celebrity Apprentice" for saying, "I sat here and acted professional."

"Professionally," Rivers shot back.

Now, to SPOGG, to "act professionally" means to be paid for acting.

One way to see if "act" is a linking verb here is to swap in another adjective. I acted tired. I acted angry. Both of those sound somewhat awkward to us, but preferable to "I acted tiredly," or "I acted angrily." We'd say, "I acted as if I were tired." Actually, we'd be more likely to write that. We'd be more likely to say "I acted like a professional" or "I acted professional."

Therefore, we don't think Joan Rivers is right in issuing this correction. Nor are we a fan of all the plastic surgery, something that is entirely unrelated but must be said. Edit your language, friends, not your faces.

Dear Fergie...

The word is "duchess." Seriously. Can you please just hire someone to edit your copy?

Irony: the Celebrity Edition

Lindsay Lohan caused titters when she signed a letter about the death of Robert Altman with this admonition: "BE ADEQUITE."

Now, she follows with a MySpace page note to her partner: "i'm so embaressing."

Indeed, Lindsay. Indeed.

GOOP?

Gwyneth Paltrow has a new, um, product/brand/metaphysical experience called GOOP. We don't know why all the letters are capitalized. It's not an acronym. So we can only assume she means to shout it from the rooftops. GOOP! GOOP, everyone! GOOP!

Anyway, she's encouraging people to "nourish the inner aspect." You can do this when you cook dinner for someone, visit a new city, or "workout and stick with it."

Thanks, Gwyneth, but we will work out. We will stick with our workout. And we will mind the space bar. We still have no idea what the inner aspect is, and what sort of food it likes.

Where is Jessica Simpson's Question Mark?

Do you know? She's asking. At least we think she is. And who can refuse a nice pout like that?

New Words on the Internets

Remember Chris Crocker, the extensively made-up guy who wept in defense of Britney Spears? (If you haven't seen the video, you can find it here. Be warned, though. His language is less pure than the driven snow.)

In any case, Chris Crocker is now on Facebook, where we just discovered an interesting new hyphenate: self-portraist.

See below:

Website: http://www.youtube.com/itschriscrocker
Personal Information: "With over [sic] 116 Million video views [counting both Myspace and Youtube]- [sic] I am THE most watched [sic] video self-portraist on the internet [sic]."
Personal Interests: Britney

Self-portraist. Does this mean one who portrays himself? As opposed to an actor or actress playing a role? We would have used "person" in the same place. But maybe Chris Crocker is shooting for something more than being just a person. Should we leave...(sob)...Chris Crocker...(sob)...alone? Nah. We will let you know how he responds to a stern letter.

Too Many Errors

Rachel J. found this treasure on Courtney Love's blog:

"God people are batshit. And im not the one who is. and i hear now i am "Bi Polar" uhhhh...thats more nuts than I will ever be. I may be Eccentric, i certainly speak my mind and am slow to put out a record i need to mean the world to ME, and im sur ei am quite Nuerotic but "Bi Polar" . Thats just slander.I shoot straight from the hip and spellcheck has NOTHING to do with REALITY."

While we can neither affirm nor deny spellcheck's relationship with reality, we would like to use this graphic from SPOGG member Amanda D. It's a screenshot of a message her spellchecker gave her while she was working on a complex 250-page document. It captures the reality of Courtney Love's blog messages with more insight than we thought software could possess.

Celebrity Grammar Poll

It's not easy being in the public eye all the time, having your every move and statement recorded. You can't even leave the house wearing an extremely short skirt and no underwear without the darned paparazzi photographing your posterior for posterity.

Still, this is no excuse for bad grammar. Our task now is to decide which celebrity deserves to win the SPOGG Award for Most Appalling Celebrity Grammar. The contestants:

President George W. Bush
We're not the sort to kick a man when he's down (frankly, we're not fond of upright kicking, either). But President Bush really ought to know the plural of the word child. After all, he's the father of twins.

While running for president, he asked, "Is our children learning?" Then, on Sept. 26, 2007, he proved that this wasn't a one-time fluke when he said, "Childrens do learn." (Not all of them, though. Not all of them.)

Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton produced a T-shirt that said, "THATS HOT," cheating the poor apostrophe from its rightful place on her bosom. What's more, she sent Lindsay Lohan a text message that said, "i chill with perez, but not enough for your name to get broughten up." Broughten? Is she the only text-messager who likes to lengthen words?

Courtney Love
It's perhaps unfair to judge Courtney Love by her grammar. It's not even English she's writing on her blog. And we quote:

have a beer with?
i would never votefor a presidenty based on the "person id most like to have a beer witH" Fox transparently obvious talking point. Its maddeningly sexist and mostly its DUMB.Beer isnt even GOOD. i mean REALLY. "ahh ahm a gonna belly up to the sports bar and have a brewski y'all want one?" i mean who has really had more than TEN beers in thier life on my blog?
It's entirely possible there are too many errors to correct. In any case, vote here:

McCain Said What?

Republican presidential frontrunner John McCain flattened an adverb today, after explaining he'd lose the election if he couldn't get Americans to stay the course in Iraq:

"Let me not put it that stark," the likely GOP nominee told reporters on his campaign bus. "Let me just put it this way: Americans will judge my candidacy first and foremost on how they believe I can lead the country both from our economy and for national security. Obviously, Iraq will play a role in their judgment of my ability to handle national security."

Would that he had said "starkly." That would have sounded much better to our poor tender ears.

Now that the campaigns are thoroughly underway, we'd love it if you'd send along grammar goofs by our leading politicians, their spokespeople, and the journalists who cover them. We can make this a regular feature. Send your finds to info @ spogg.org. Thank you!

Oh, Mariah

Xavier sends along some of the lyrics from Mariah Carey's new song:

If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my bidness
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I

Between you and I? It's "between you and me." Always.

Mariah, you are now on our list, along with Bryan Adams, Paula Cole and others who've botched this. You don't want to be on our list, because some day, we might actually do something with it.

We will not get in your "bidness" about your other artistic choices in this song, if you can just get this one thing right from now on.

There's being authentic to your culture—that's your bidness—and then there's just a hideous error that you can find in any old place, coming from any old mouth. This one's just an ugly, common goof.

We expect more out of you, especially after Christmas 1994, when we listened to your Christmas album approximately 1,000 times in a row, thanks to our younger brother's understandable obsession. You looked so cute in that Santa suit.

Babies and Grammar

Apparently it is very difficult for celebrities to speak grammatically once they have conceived and/or borne children. Christina Aguilera's people issued a news release last week with an I/me error. Matthew McConaughey did the same thing earlier this week.

Here he is on the miracle of parenthood (and kids, let this be a warning to you—this is your mind on nude bongo playing after consuming copious amounts of marijuana):

"Wish us the best, keep us in your prayers, and God bless evolution. Thanks for being fans of me and my work and now this new and miraculous chapter in my life, as me and Camila and our child do our best to just keep living.”

We're all for evolution here at SPOGG, even if we oppose letting language evolve so much that "I" and "me" become interchangeable.

What a Girl Wants

What a girl wants (and what a girl needs) is a grammar lesson, apparently. Pop singer Christina Aguilera delivered a baby boy Saturday, and her official Web site carried this message (via MSNBC):

Aguilera said that Saturday was "a very joyful and special day for Jordan and
I."

For Jordan and ME. Would she say Saturday was a very special day for I? Probably not (though one never knows, with pop singers). When in doubt whether you should use "me" or "I," drop the other person from the sentence. You'll know right away.

The Little Things

When you're holding a sign with your name on it and making a national television appearance, here are some things you'll want to check:

Capital letters?
Yup.

Apostrophe after the I?
Check.

Spelling his own name correctly?
Whoopsy-daisy.

Unless this is some sort of subtle Iraq war reference that we just don't get, it's Joaquin. With a u in it. And this, my friends, is probably the saddest thing we've seen all week, even if we wouldn't mind being the sassy June Carter to his strung-out Johnny Cash. We proofread Joaquin! Call us!

When Spice Girls Blog

No wonder there's no Grammar Spice. This comes from Sporty's blog:

Woo hoo!! 2008, Happy New Year everybody, it's going to be a good one.

Myself and all the Spiceys had a great Christmas. We caught up with our families, ate lots of mince pies and got some well-needed sleep!

Sigh. It should be:

Wahoo! [Or, if you went to the school of Homer Simpson, "wuhoo."] It's 2008. Happy New Year, everybody. It's going to be a good one. [Excitement is no excuse for a run-on sentence.]

The Spiceys and I had a great Christmas. ["Myself" can never be the subject of a sentence, unless it's a sentence explaining why "myself" can never be the subject of a sentence.]

We caught up with our families, ate lots of mince pies, [unless you're following AP style, which omits the comma] and got some well-needed sleep. [well-needed...really? How about much-needed? Or just sleep?]