Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tales from the Casting Ouch

Our woman in Hollywood offers up this month's casting call failures:

One casting call asked for a skateboarder who could perform a certain trick: an ole. They meant ollie, but they wrote ole. I hope they have castinets ready.

Online Mock New's Report
This just in: We mock you for your misplaced apostrophe.

Looking for a femee fatale.
Is that a female Furby, or just someone who is hungry and saying "feed me" in a rushed or unclear fashion?

Age Rang
Hold on, I have to get the phone...

This typo caught my eye. I looked it up on a whim and discovered it's an acronym for the Asian Center for Research on Remote Sensing at the Asian Institute of Technology in Thailand.

Cocktail Party Dress's
There are no words.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Altered States

If we were Miss Manners (oh, the dream), we might comment on the rudeness of making a Facebook status update from your wedding, thereby reminding all the rest of your "friends" they weren't invited.

Instead, we'll get a bit sniffy at how the groom, Dana Hanna, spelled "altar."
"Standing at the alter with @TracyPage where just a second ago she became my wife! Gotta go, time to kiss the bride."

Friday, December 25, 2009

Friday Sign of the Apocalypse: Next, They'll Want Shoes

Tableclothes: what tables use to cover their legs. (The correct spelling is tablecloths.)

Thanks to Asa D. for the photo.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Friday Sign of the Apocalypse: Oh, Deer

On the bright side, they're consistent with the way they spell "processing." Also on the bright side, there's no hair in the sausage.

Thanks to Matt K. and his daughter for the photo.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Friday Sign of the Apocalypse: Classic Gas Station Edition

An artist friend sent along photos he'd used to create an oil painting of a charming vintage gas station. Are you not charmed?

Step a little closer, though, and you see something slightly off about the sign:

Ah, that's it. Vechicles, which sounds like a 3-year-old's word for spinach and peas.

Kindly, Richard Jesse Watson fixed the spelling in his final art.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Literary Road Trip, Anyone?

Stepping momentarily out of our trademark first-person-plural point of view, I'm pleased to report I was featured on the Literary Road Trip blog. Care to take a brief journey with me?

Monday, December 07, 2009

Church Bulletin Funnies

Linnea D. sent these along. We're not sure who the original source is, but there are some funny errors below:

They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2008 Release).


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight:

'Searching for Jesus.'


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.


The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.


Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.


Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
---- ---- --------------------------------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

-------------------- --------------------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.


The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

------------------------------ ----- ---------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.

------ -------------------------------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.


This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.


Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

--------------------------- --------- ------------------- ---

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would

lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

-------------------------------- ------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
back door.


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this



Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.


The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign

slogan: Last Sunday: ''I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'

Copy Editing: It Works

Here at SPOGG, we love a good editor--so much so that the bad editors in our past, including the one who changed a woman's name from "Wanda" to "Panda" in a news story, are forgiven.

Lately, copy editors have on occasion been deemed not central to the core business of journalism. This is patently untrue, even if it's not particularly surprising given the myopic, conservative, often clubby way the newspaper business is run.

Hence, we particularly enjoy this bit from the blog of John McIntyre, formerly of the Baltimore Sun:

Save money: Cut back on editing

A correction from The Washington Post:

A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number.

Read the rest. It gets better from here.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Friday Sign of the Apocalypse: Quotation Mark Edition

Oooh. Unnecessary capitalization and quotation marks for emphasis. If only they'd added a frowny emoticon at the end. Then we could be certain they mean business.

Because we are still just a tad bit confused, though, we will light up this cigar...wait, no...we will ignite our portable grill and smoke this turkey right in their building. Who wants a sandwich?

Thanks to Marlon for the photo.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Truth in Headlines

The sharp-eyed Asa D. sends this along:

This was the top story on Yahoo! Finance at 4:30pm today:

Down Ends at New 2009 High as Dollar Slides- AP
Stock buying picked up momentum Tuesday as rising commodity prices and reports on manufacturing and housing pointed to a rebound in the economy.

Calling the Index the “Down Jones” now might be apropos…

Badumcha! Thanks, Asa.