Tales from the Casting Ouch

The latest, from our Genuine Hollywood ActressTM friend, excerpted from actual casting calls:

A recent casting call informed me that the director was "norweigien."

Apparently, dancers are encouraged to choreograph pieces "on there own"

Where is that, then?
This just in: "The dead persons must act dead!"

"Looking for a slightly hippy girl." 
Methinks you meant a hippie, not an applebottom.

"She here's a truck outside."
Homonyms and apostrophes are crying.

Getting Down and Dirty in the Romper Room

The scout who sent us this photo can't say for sure where it was taken. (If she did, her source would have to kill her.) But let's just say the people getting an eyeful of "marital" arts in the "romper room" are probably going to have to take cold showers afterward.

In any case, they're really going to be able to lord it over those poor suckers who had to watch martial arts in the rumpus room. Live-action pornography vs. ancient Asian fighting techniques? No contest!

P.S. We don't really know how to make a joke about romper vs. rumpus, so we'll go with the facts.

A romper is a piece of clothing best worn on small children, despite the regrettable fashion trend that leads to items like this $228 Marc Jacobs piece. Seriously people. You are wasting the best years of your life, at least when it comes to your looks, on an outfit meant to go over a diaper. This model might be wearing one RIGHT NOW. She does have an "I'm peeing" look on her face.

But anyway. "Romper Room" is  a children's TV show remembered by people old enough to know that rompers are toddler-wear.

A rumpus is a wild party, often held in a rumpus room. In Where the Wild Things Are, however, the wild rumpus was held outdoors. You know the world is topsy-turvy when the grownups are wearing baby clothes and the monsters are partying outside so they don't wreck the furniture.

Something Fishy Here

Dear InStyle: We love your magazine, but fish breath is never fashionable:

Isabel Marant is bringing her enviable Parisian chic style stateside this month, opening a store in N.Y.C’s Soho district, and her fall collection in walking down the runway in Paris literally as we speak—we are waiting with baited breath for both!

It's "bated" breath--unless you're trying to reel in some sort of fish or trying to smell pretty for a house cat.

When Homophones Attack

From the New York Times this morning: a goof for the Internet age.

Southern Discomfort
By JAN HOFFMAN

Jenny Sanford, the first lady of South Carolina, is publishing her memoir and has filed for divorce from the governor, Mark Sanford, who ducked out of site for five days last June.

Out of "sight" would have been the right choice here. We are guilty of the same types of bad-homophone attacks, though, so we are only wincing in commiseration.

(Note: Edited after we had our morning coffee/comment from Barry Leiba.)

Why newspapers need copy editors

Brian C. sent this along, noting the error in the lead, which says many people "staid" put during a storm. Perhaps they were staid, but in this case, they should have "stayed" put.

Depressions Not Known for Their Pitching

We're doing a bit of research for a writing project and came across this bit describing tours of subterranean Seattle:

Speidel graduated from the University of Washington in 1936, during the throws of the depression, with a degree in literature. Out of school, he landed a job as a reporter for The Seattle Times and also wrote a column for the defunct Seattle Star.

The right word is "throes."

Altered States

If we were Miss Manners (oh, the dream), we might comment on the rudeness of making a Facebook status update from your wedding, thereby reminding all the rest of your "friends" they weren't invited.

Instead, we'll get a bit sniffy at how the groom, Dana Hanna, spelled "altar."

"Standing at the alter with @TracyPage where just a second ago she became my wife! Gotta go, time to kiss the bride."

A Hat Tip to the Horn Book

We saw this Monday on Twitter:

@HornBook Note to reviewers: an adventuress is NOT a girl adventurer.

Tis true! An adventuress is a woman pursuing money or position, or a woman who uses unscrupulous means in order to gain wealth or social position ( dated ).

This is why we refer to our dictionary often. Words that sound similar to another word, but perhaps a tad fancier, are particularly dangerous. This is how bemused and nonplussed are so often found botched in such vaunted places as The New York Times.

That said, we can't wait to use "adventuress" in context...something like this:

The adventuress eyed the ancient millionaire, slack-jawed and drooling in his wheelchair, and knew she'd marry him within a fortnight. With luck, he wouldn't be alive much longer.

Look, Ma! We Make Stupid Puns

Oh, for peat's sake. We don't want to get bogged down with tiny things in the face of such an interesting story, but it's "wicker," not "whicker," unless the man is half horse.

'Whicker Man' tomb to yield Bronze Age secrets, say scientists
19 September 2009
By JOHN ROSS

HUMAN remains uncovered at a burial site in the Highlands are extremely rare and could provide new information about Bronze Age life, experts say.

The site was discovered in February when landowner Jonathan Hampton was using a mechanical digger to clear peat from Langwell Farm, Strath Oykel, in Sutherland.

He found a substantial stone cist (tomb) containing a skeleton that archaeologists believe was partially wrapped in animal hide or was wearing furs. A wicker basket lay over its face. Read the rest.

Thanks to Sue for the link.

This Sounds Painful, Possibly Criminal

Thanks to John L. for the picture.

Bank robbery--foiled by bad vocabulary?

We read this in the Seattle Times this morning. It's a story about a bank employee fired for chasing down a robber. What jumped out at us, though, was this section of the story:

When the man came into the bank, at 434 Queen Anne Ave. N., dressed in a knit cap on one of the hottest days of the year, Nicholson says he was immediately uneasy. The suspicious-looking man walked in and out of the bank, then got in the teller line, then stepped out of line.

When he finally approached the counter, he walked toward Nicholson and said, "This is a ransom, fill the bag with money," Nicholson said.

Hearing the word "ransom," Nicholson stopped for a second and asked to see the man's gun.

The man said, "It's a verbal ransom." Nicholson then lunged over the counter at him.

"My intent was to grab his glasses off his face, or him," Nicholson said.

Fortunately for Nicholson, the man wasn't armed.

Interesting! When the robber used the wrong word, the bank teller decided he was a joker. Had the robber said, "This is a robbery," he might have intimidated the teller and gotten away. It just goes to show that when you use the wrong word, people take you less seriously--even when you say you have a gun.

Perez Hilton: Vizzini Alert

From his blog:

Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen shares her extremely diluted opinion of herself in an interview accompanying her September Teen Vogue cover.

Oh, Perez. How you manage to be so popular despite your terrible, terrible writing remains a mystery. The word is "deluded." It's probably a good one for you to know.

Wonder What They Were Selling

And this is why newspapers shouldn't lay off all their copy editors...

Ballard businesses file lawsuit challenging Burke-Gilman Trail extension
By Lindsay Toler
Seattle Times staff reporter

Two cyclists peddling along the docks in Ballard stop and ask two maritime-industry workers leaning against a truck for directions to the Hiram M. Chittenden Locks.

The word here should have been "pedaling."

This Has Nothing to Do With Grammar

To those of us who truly love words this is quite amusing even if it's off-topic. The Washington Post has an annual contest in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown. (SPOGG: Or, a man who likes to sleep in something on the silky side.)
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

From the Mouths of Students

We always enjoy errors from student papers. There's something so fresh and funny about them. SPOGG thanks Jim M. for these:

For the past 28 years, I have been an adjunct instructor at various universities in Connecticut, teaching everything from writing to religion, literature, and others. I am now at Sacred Heart University in Fairfield, where I teach freshman writing and research papers. I still have hair, though I don't know why. Here are some actual examples from my students on their essays:

"Things are defiantly [sic] getting worse in the economy." (So, why are they defiant?)
"I must of [common problem] missed the point." (I'll say!)
"A change in policy will occur any minuet [sic] now." (Haydn, or Mozart?)
"I always site [sic] at the end of every paragraph."
(In response to a written survey on career goals) "I want to be a writter [sic]."
(Same survey) "I plan to be an alimentary schoolteacher." (Med school might be better.)

A Good Wench Is Hard to Find

Josh sends this in, saying it explains why fire trucks cost so much.

Fire department garners new truck

New vehicle cost $226,782
By Katie Pizza
Argus Observer
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 11:17 AM PST

Ontario — Ontario Fire & Rescue added a new tool to help with medical emergencies last month.

The vehicle, dubbed “Rescue One,” cost $226,782 and was purchased last month with money set aside in the 2007 to 2009 Ontario budget.

The heavy-rescue vehicle contains extraction devices, also known as the “jaws of life,” wooden devices to help stuck vehicles gain traction, hydraulic lift tools to move vehicles, a wench, two fire suits, a “sit-down” gurney to help move injured people down stairs, hoses, capacity for 512 gallons of water and other equipment to help with emergency medical needs. (Read more...)

The word Katie Pizza (great name) meant to use was winch, which is basically a big pulley. A "wench" used to refer to a girl or servant, then by the 1300s was meant to imply something altogether naughty and insulting. If you really want to insult someone and you happen to have traveled back in time, call her a "wench of the stews." Zing!

SPOGG also objects to the headline. "Garner" means to store, collect, accumulate, or earn/win through effort. Perhaps the headline writer was looking for a fancy alternative to "gets" or "buys"; this attempt goes clunk.

Fast with the Food, Slow with the Grammar

But do they apologize for the misspelling, missing punctuation and goofy Victorian capitalization tic?

Thanks to Linnea O. for the photo.

An Early Valentine

This comes from the noble and magnificent John at The Writing Workshop. One of his friends received it from a vendor. The bottom line? We will never complain about our job again...not after finding out what some people are going through:

Hi Cheryl,

The decision is based on information obtained from evaluating the customer including, but not limited to:
* Credit data
* Billing and payment history
* Approved requests for credit

Janice will call you at 10 a.m. today re your appeal. Once again I apologize for the incontinence this has caused you and your team. If you have any further questions don't hesitate to call me directly.

The Trouble with Billionaire Teens

This is from Miley Cyrus's blog, via Wonderwall. She's talking about a photograph where she's shown making slanty eyes with a group of friends:

If that would of [sic] been anyone else, it would of been overlooked! I definitely feel like the press is trying to make me out as the new 'BAD GIRL'! ... I feel like now that Britney is back on top of her game again, they need someone to pick on."

We think the professional virgin might be saving conjugation for marriage. Someone should tell her conjugal and conjugation aren't quite the same thing.

Words, Words, Words

We loved these words from Garner's Usage Tip of the Day.

libido. Although dictionaries once recorded /li-BIY-doh/ as the preferred pronunciation, /li-BEE-doh/ is now the established preference in American English.

licorice (/LiK-uh-rish/) is the standard spelling.

"Liquorice" is a variant form. This word shouldn't be confused with its uncommon homophones, "lickerish" (= lascivious, lecherous) and "liquorish" (= tasting like liquor).

If you keep a blog, please use "lickerish" in context. First person to alert us wins a copy of Not Rocket Science by the great Craig Conley.