We Don't Care How Good Jim Tastes

Nor do we care that he is free of that pesky gluten. We're just not ready to become cannibals.

(Thanks to Cristin F. for the photo.)

Long Live the Queen

We are still grieving that a Neiman* Marcus was built atop the smoldering bones of our childhood Dairy Queen. We love Dairy Queen. We love the soft ice cream. The whimsically named Dilly Bars. The Peanut Buster Parfaits. The crazy way they cling to the sort of anachronistic word "brazier" even though it's really close to "brasierre," and even though Dairy Queen could be used as slang for a top-heavy girl and it's crazy, crazy, crazy to have so many boob-joke possibilities on one sign. (Wow. Sorry for that breathless almost run-on sentence. We maybe need to eat some lunch.)

We do not, however, admire the boob who got the spelling on this sign wrong. "Do to" should've been "due to." That said, we're glad they're opening again soon, so that Alex F. who sent us this photo, won't have to wait long to enjoy a delicious Blizzard.

Unbelievable

This is from NBC's Olympic coverage. Really. It officially counts as the WORST bit of writing we've ever seen on a professional news site. Thanks to Danielle B. for sending it:

It seemed she wuz robbed, China's He Kexin geting the gold, Liukin left with silver. China's Yang Yilin got the bronze, the bars results adding to the host nation's sensational gymnastics performance at these Games -- the great haul of China.

Wuz Liukin robbed?

Read more here...

The first sentence isn't even a proper sentence. It's a big, ugly run-on.

And then there's the use of "wuz." Twice!

We simply do not understand this. Unless you're 5 years old and just learning to read, "was" is not a difficult word to pronounce. So it's of no service to the reader. From the writer's perspective, "wuz" doesn't save any letters, so it's not an easier word to type.

In short, it's just idiotic. It's like certain inane fashion trends--floating trucker hats, pants that hang down below the bum, belly shirts on people who have no business baring that band of flesh..... Oy!

We can only conclude this meant to say "Look at me! Look at me! Aren't I happening?" But it really says "I am trying so hard to be cool that I look foolish."

Alan Abrahamson, the writer, deserves to be banned from journalism for writing like an idiot instead of the professional correspondent fans of the Olympics truly deserve.

When Spice Girls Blog

No wonder there's no Grammar Spice. This comes from Sporty's blog:

Woo hoo!! 2008, Happy New Year everybody, it's going to be a good one.

Myself and all the Spiceys had a great Christmas. We caught up with our families, ate lots of mince pies and got some well-needed sleep!

Sigh. It should be:

Wahoo! [Or, if you went to the school of Homer Simpson, "wuhoo."] It's 2008. Happy New Year, everybody. It's going to be a good one. [Excitement is no excuse for a run-on sentence.]

The Spiceys and I had a great Christmas. ["Myself" can never be the subject of a sentence, unless it's a sentence explaining why "myself" can never be the subject of a sentence.]

We caught up with our families, ate lots of mince pies, [unless you're following AP style, which omits the comma] and got some well-needed sleep. [well-needed...really? How about much-needed? Or just sleep?]

"Signage"

We have detested the word "Signage" since we worked as an intern in the corporate communications department at a bank, where it was used as a synonym for signs. Why use fancy jargon when a plain word will do?

In the years since, we have learned that signage can also refer to the design and display of signs. We never thought we'd talk about signage, but we have just learned that "never" is an awfully long time.

It's not quite as long as we had to wait last night for a shuttle at the Baton Rouge airport, but still.

(Seriously. After our 10-hour journey complete with an unexpectedly long layover in Dallas, those chowderheads kept us waiting more than 40 minutes because of a "situation" they would not describe. When we inquired about the nature of the delay, we were told it was "none of your business," even though it was after midnight, and SPOGG was alone and tired and therefore did have some legitimate business wondering where the jiminy-hey the shuttle was and what was so important the driver couldn't pick her up.

Well, we weren't totally alone at the airport. There was a woman in a white van who kept getting out, walking around in a wobbly circle, then getting back in. If you've ever wondered what might be less comforting than the sight of a van with tinted windows after midnight when you are alone on the street, it is a van driver who appears to be running out of batteries and is trying to wind herself up manually.)

Now that we have vented about our misadventure at the airport, we can lob a bomb in the general direction of the shuttle signage. It said, and we quote:

WELCOME ENJOY YOUR STAY

It almost hurts to type such an unfelicitous run-on sentence. Would it have killed them to put some punctuation in that sign? Who's in charge of the signage around here? Can we have their heads on sticks? Should we write them a letter full of umbrage?

That, after all, is our business: protecting innocent punctuation marks and grammatical rules. No matter what that shuttle driver said.