Monday, February 08, 2010

Grammar for Spammers

We don't know what's funnier, here:

- The name Walmsley Geoffrey Robert
- The idea that we might have $2 million in our bank account
- The semicolon after "Attention," along with the rest of the crazy grammar and punctuation here.

Just think of the damage spammers could do if they hired editors and made their evil plots sound plausible. Until then, smirk away. We might have missed a [sic] or two, but you get the idea:

Attention; [sic] Beneficiary,

My names[sic] is Mr. WALMSLEY GEOFFREY ROBERT O.C.U Investigation Office UK,[sic] there is presently a counter claims [sic]
on your funds by one MR.William Dickson, who is presently[sic] trying to make us believe that you are dead and even explained that you
entered into an agreement with him before your death,[sic] to help you in receiving your fund[sic] US$ 2,000,000.00[sic] So here comes the big question.

Did you sign any Deed of Assignment in favor of (William Dickson)[sic].[sic] thereby making him the current beneficiary with his following account details:

MR William Dickson,
AC/NUMBER: 6503809428.

We shall proceed to issue all payments details to the said Mr. William Dickson,[sic] if we do not hear from you within the next two working days from today[sic].

(Assistance) Chairman
O.C.U Investigation Office UK
Bureau of Financial and Banking Crime


C. Allyn Pierson said...

These "Nigerian Letters" are sometimes unintentionally amusing. My favorite was one from someone who admitted that he was a crook and said that the "money" that he wanted me to help him transfer was stolen. I had to give him points for frankness (but, sorry, no bank account numbers or other vital data from me). I also enjoy the assembly instructions enclosed in "some assembly required" items- (as long as I don't actually need the instructions to put it together). Those from China are usually the most wacky. Wouldn't you think with more than 1/4 of the world's population that they could find someone who speaks English to write these?

Mama Bee said...

My favorite bit is the line, "So here comes the big question." I think most legal documents would be improved immeasurably by this kind of little linguistic landmark. When mortgage agreements and insurance paperwork get into double-digit page numbers, the occasional "Pay attention now!" would lighten things up considerably.

Ladybug said...

"The idea what we might have $2 million in our bank account"

Should what = that?

Martha Brockenbrough said...

Yes, "what" shoulda been a "that" (and now is). This is all part of my secret plot to train your proofreading skills. You're doing great! Keep up the good work! :-)

Andygirl said...

Hrm, what is my favorite part of that hot mess? I know! The inexplicable line breaks. Yup, those make my day.

Barry Leiba said...

I just got a spam-name that beats Walmsley Geoffrey Robert: "Niviarsiaq Crowcher".