Spelling Tips for Textual Intercourse

We saw this in the Houston Chronicle and wanted to pass this along to all our single friends. It's no longer enough to be HWP NS/ND. Now, you must be able to spell to be spellbinding:

RELATIONSHIPS WITH WHIT: Dating while under in-text-ication
By WHITNEY CASEY
Copyright 2007 Houston Chronicle

When a friend of mine left her marriage, she took the knives. She also took the crystal vase, the pictures and the kitschy set of cow-shaped salt and pepper shakers. But when her husband discovered that "she toke the William Sonoma copper sauce pan," well, that was the end.

At least that was what her ex wrote to her in a spate of e-mails itemizing exactly what was missing from their home (that she apparently took, err, "toke") upon their parting of ways.

My friend's ex-husband's spelling of took throughout the aforementioned e-mail spelled out something very clearly — they were not meant for each other. They were only married for a year. That was 10 years ago for her, but had it occurred today, all that misspelled e-mail would have "toke" place via texting.

A chef that's doneIt seems the single spelling gods must be laughing. My misspelling misadventures had just begun with that story. Fast forward a few years to New York where I dated a dashing and charming reality-show chef who sent out an invite to his 40th birthday reading: "Your invited to my ... " I then noticed a slew of his past text messages. There it was, an abundance of possessives where contractions were needed. In fact, he cooked up quite an alphabet soup of spelling with "your" and "you're" and "there," "their" and "they're." But it was the "to" that was too much to keep the two of us together.

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Whitney Casey's tips for textual intercourse:

• Your — possessive of you, e.g. your car, your dress, your spelling. (shorthand Ur)
• You're — Contraction of you are, e.g. You're happy. You're a bad speller. (shorthand U r)
• There — A place
• Their — Possessive showing ownership, e.g. their car, their dictionary
• They're — Contraction of they and are, e.g. They're not good spellers.
• To — A preposition links nouns, pronouns and other phrases to the sentence.
• Too — An adverb meaning also or excessively, e.g. too many misspellings.
• A lot — Two words, a and lot meaning many.
• Never end a sentence with the preposition at. "Where are you?" not "Where are you at?"
• And, of course, took is never spelled toke (unless you are doing just that — taking a toke!)