The pen is mightier than the sword.
Pursuit of the almighty dollar.
The great unwashed masses.
They're all creations, now cliched, of the Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton.
Oh, to spawn such immortal offspring.
The annual contest to parody the late, great author has just concluded. The winning entry is entertaining, of course. But SPOGG prefers the runner-up, especially when read in the Scottish accent of its author Stuart (STUART!) Vasepuru.
"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"Read more here.