SPOGG sent this letter today to Adam Schein of Fox Sports. If cliches were cooties, Adam Schein would need a good shavin'.
Dear Mr. Schein,
We are The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar, writing to give you the verbal equivalent of a red flag. Sports cliché week is over, Mr. Schein. And yet, you're still using cliches like, well, "nobody's business."
SPOGG has followed your work for months, hoping "against hope" that you'd "clean up your act." Alas, that has not happened.
What follows is the top portion of your most recent story. Clichés are capitalized so that you will be able to see them, in case you left your binoculars at the bottom of the barrel, in your back pocket, or perhaps where the sun don't shine.
And we quote:
Terrell Owens' ability to fit in with the Cowboys should be an interesting STORY TO FOLLOW.
In interviewing Owens this week, I am even more convinced that the receiver is clueless and won't change a bit.
During the 20-minute conversation, Owens took no accountability for his actions in Philadelphia, continuously [you mean continually, SPOGG hopes] blamed the media, his old agent David Joseph, and Donovan McNabb FOR EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN, and HAD THE NERVE TO ACTUALLY SAY Drew Rosenhaus never discussed his contract in public.
And it was made CRYSTAL CLEAR that this was a Jerry Jones transaction.
ALL EYES WILL BE ON Owens' attitude; his rapport with the disciplinarian that is Parcells; his connection with Drew Bledsoe; his demand for the football; and his relationships with coaches and players.
In essence, EVERYTHING THAT WENT SOUR for Owens in Philadelphia.
And the Tuna cannot be happy that he will be PEPPERED with questions early in camp about Owens' new book. [SPOGG wonders: Would the tuna prefer lemon juice and perhaps a sprig of dill?]
Every conversation, fist-bump, high five, etc., between Owens, Parcells and Bledsoe will be shown on the highlight shows and ANALYZED TO DEATH. And with all three pretty headstrong, this is going to be a daily show.
Mr. Schein, you are a writer and broadcaster. Athletes have an excuse for using clichés. Their skills are physical. Sportswriters, meanwhile, are supposed to be as good with words as athletes are on the field. This means less whiffing and more verbal home runs from you, Mr. Schein.
How about it? Can you raise the bar? Start giving 110 percent? Wipe the slate clean of clichés?
Otherwise, we're going to have to start reading that Schatz guy, when we'd much prefer Scheinola.