It's Like a Martini ... for the Ears

It's been a long time since we've posted, but we have good reason. Our first novel comes out in June, and we have been busybusybusy honing it to perfection. One round of copy editing, two rounds of proofreading, and a stronger glasses prescription later, we think it's ready for the world. The misspelling in the title is on purpose.

(Go here for more information about the novel.)

Meanwhile, National Grammar Day gallops toward us on bright and clattering hooves. John McIntyre of The Baltimore Sun, he of the delightfully cranky* You Don't Say blog, has recorded an audio version of the Grammar Noir he wrote in 2009 to celebrate the first National Grammar Day.

You really must listen.

And then, for National Grammar Day on March 4, we invite you to pin the apostrophe in the contraction. Either that, or remove it from the possessive. Yes! We believe in having that much fun!

May the fourth be with you!


* We like him even if we do not always agree on grammar or the virtues of shaking vs. stirring a grammartini.)

It's Never Too Early to Learn to Spell

It's "whore," you little dummy. WHORE.*

*Oh, we're only kidding. They prefer to be called sex workers.**

**Just kidding. Call them Nancy.***

*** We'll stop now, as we're starting to look like a hores's ass.

It's the Little Things

R. sends this photo of a sign hanging somewhere in Arizona. It's so close to being right. Just that missing letter N.

People, that N is out there.

Maybe it's inserted itself into a "stationnery" sign at Office Depot. Or maybe it's run away with the missing apostrophe and E from this tattoo.

Please do keep a look out so that we don't have to make a custom milk carton pleading for its safe retur ...

Craiglisterious: We Don't Know What This Means

SPOGG member Linnea D sent this Craigslist gem. 

We suggest you read it out loud to appreciate the full measure of the lunacy. Druck free? Maybe. But we doubt it.

Will Drive car with person Truck with load car with pet (orange park to brunswick ga)

CLEAN WHITE 48 RETIRED GREAT RIVER NO TICKETS NO ACCIDENTS WILL DRIVER YOUR CARE TRUCK WITH LOAD CARE WITH LOAD

CARE WITH ANIMALS....NEED TO GET TO BRUNSWICK GA TOMORROW.....

DRUCK AND BOOZE FREE PLEASE EMAIL BACK OR CALL DRIJVE SAFE YOU PAY FROM GAS VERY IMPORTANT..CALL 904 477 2250
 

Not Quite Mary Poppins

From a Craigslist ad written by a prospective nanny:

Exp'd, Loving, Conscious [sic]  Nanny Available

Unfortunately, we're only in the market for an unconscious nanny.

Thanks to Kate R. for the find. And good luck with the nanny search.

There Is No U in Flowers

But there are two of them in "bouquets."

The spelling teacher probably needs a dozen incentive tulips (which are different from apology daisies and attempted-seduction roses).

Thanks to Matt K. for the photo.

Oh, Red (Pen) State...

You know the expression "so wrong it's right?"

Yeah, well, that doesn't apply here. All of these errors still add up to a big, fat yikes, and as Sara J. of Mobile, Alabama puts it, "This does not help southern Alabama shed its backwoods image."

Cue the banjos, y'all. It's been that sort of week.

It's "know," not "no." It's "you're," not "your." And it should be "supposed to," not "suppose to." A little punctuation wouldn't hurt, either. All that said, the onion rings look really good.

Don't Drink and Dress

Look, we'd drink margaritas every day if we could. They're delicious! So tangy and salty!

But, just as we love our liver, we would never use the apostrophe to make a plural, nor would we spell everyday as one word, unless we were saying something to the effect of "Margarita is ordinary."

Thanks to Alan H. for the photo.

This Makes Us Hear Banjo Music

The price is right. But we do sort of wonder what he charges for the "open."*

* CONSCIENCE: Is that thinly veiled sex joke taking it a bit too far?

PERSONAL DEMONS: What are you talking about? Look, nipples!

CONSCIENCE: You should probably step away from the keyboard.

PERSONAL DEMONS: You shore got a purty mouth.

Thanks to Meredith for the photo.

New Books from Grammar Girl

It's not widely known that Mignon Fogarty, aka Grammar Girl, is actually an android. How else could she keep up with her inhuman podcast, media appearances, and publishing schedule? SPOGG is in awe of all of the above, including the technology that has given us such a lifelike robot. Rumor has it that she even giggles when you poke her just so in the ribs. Adorable!

We are pleased to recommend two of her most recent titles: Grammar Girl Presents the Ultimate Writing Guide for Students and Grammar Girl's 101 Misused Words You'll Never Confuse Again.

The student guide is fantastic--printed in orange and black and chock full of cartoons, so it feels anything but tedious.

The advice is written clearly and simply enough that a student as young as 10 or so could benefit. But it's also a book that will help anyone who wants to brush up on grammar and style basics. If you're one of those people who feels insecure about your writing, do check this one out. Henry Holt is the publisher, and the list price is $19.99.


101 Misused Words is an extremely handy guide that pairs words often mistaken for one another, and offers you tips for remembering which to use and why. If you don't know whether to use "stationary" or "stationery," (and we're talking to you, office supply clerk), you'll soon learn. 

The book will be useful to anyone who writes regularly for publication. We're not just talking journalists here, although we often see misused words from Grammar Girl's list in newspapers. Rather, we're talking about the people who write menus and advertisements. The people who post notices on bulletin boards. The people who send us spam. The list is long. It probably includes you. Lord knows we're on it and have made some of these errors ourselves, because we, unfortunately, are mere flesh and blood.

101 Misused Words is a mere $5.99, from St. Martin's Griffin.