Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Embarrassing Celebrity E-mail

If only Lindsay Lohan had thought to hire an assistant to send out grammatically correct e-mails. Alas, this is what she foolishly dashed off to PerezHilton.com -- a gossip site that's frequently grammar-challenged:
"Almost witnessed 3 kids being hit by paparazzi," reads the email. "Never in my life had an expirience [sic] as I just did with the paparazzi. I am not kidding I am shaking, cannot breathe a bit, scared, anxious and sad. If someone doesn't feel bad, than [sic] I will feel bad for myself. It is disgusting what these g-d damn people are doing to me. As well as the people in my life that I work with/for. Its [sic] vulgar and I'm saddened for myself."
Here is the improved version:
"I almost witnessed three kids being hit by paparazzi," reads the e-mail. "Never in my life had an experience like I just did with the paparazzi. I am not kidding. I am scared, anxious, sad, and cannot breathe a bit [SPOGG tip: when listing things, move the longest item to the end for smoother reading.] If someone doesn't feel bad, then I will feel bad for myself. It is disgusting what these g-ddamn (one word) people are doing to me, as well as the people in my life whom I work with/for. It's vulgar and I'm saddened for myself."

(Vulgar isn't the right word here. Vulgar is more apt when describing someone wearing revealing clothes in an inappropriate place. Vulgar is a young girl's heavy smoking habit. Vulgar is talking about one's sex life in national magazines. Perhaps she means appalling. For some reason, it's the word that leaps to mind when Lindsay Lohan's name appears on screen.)

SPOGG thanks Sarah M. for the tip.

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