Monday, April 16, 2007

I Do Declare...

Strunk & White gave good advice when they urged writers to use "simple, declarative sentences."

The New York Times reporter on the Virginia Tech shooting story could have used more simplicity. Barry L. sends this tangled prose our way:

From the NY Times: Today's shooting at Virginia Tech comes in the same week, eight years ago, as the April 20 shooting at Columbine.

Oof.

Maybe: Today's shooting at Virginia Tech comes in the same week as the April 20 shooting at Columbine, eight years ago.

Or: Today's shooting at Virginia Tech comes eight years to the week after
the shooting at Columbine on April 20, 1999.

Likewise, stop writing when your sentences are done. Our inbox today contained this almost-correct pitch:

"Save 20% off on pajamas!"

It's either "save 20 percent," or "20 percent off." (Unless it's "save 20 percent off the price of pajamas," but that would just be silly. What else would one save 20 percent on -- the fabric?)

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