Thursday, March 30, 2006

A Letter of Truth, Corrected for Grammar

It’s been a long time since our last update. So we’re going to start off slowly by correcting the language in Britney Spears’ latest letter to her fans. Yes, this is the equivalent of swatting flies with the wing of a 747. But we can’t resist. Our corrections are meant to improve her grammar, logic and style without in any way altering her very special message. After all, her dog didn’t fare so well after she was altered. Read on to know why…

I haven’t really thought a lot about work lately. What better time for a greatest hits album to come out? [SPOGG: Never ask a rhetorical question if you’re not certain the answer is what you want to hear.] I can actually enjoy & and reflect on my success at this point in my life. I may might be disappointing some fans out there [SPOGG: Does she have fans on the inside?] but I don’t think I’ll do another tour for a couple of years. My priorities in life have changed [SPOGG: have her priorities in death changed?]. I am having fun again reading all the magazines that I enjoy (mainly because I am not on in them). At this point and in time, [SPOGG: But really, why say “point in time” at all?] what I want is not my face on every cover, but someone else’s instead. I really want to help other people achieve their dreams and possibly even develop new artists [SPOGG logic alert: But she said she hadn’t been thinking about work. We're confused!]. Everything is in the very beginning stages and it feels great to just think about different opportunities that I am interested in pursuing [SPOGG: redundant].

Holiday’s holidays are right around the corner and I can’t wait to have my own Christmas tree in my very own house. As far as New Year’s plans, I really wanted to have a huge party for all our friends and relatives who were unable to be at couldn’t attend our wedding, due to the last minute surprise element, but I think we might have to wait until after the house is completely finished.

Well, I’ve got to go. My dog, Lacy, just got fixed and she’s not acting like herself! I’m going to have Shabby Chic re-cover her bed and maybe that will lift her spirits! [SPOGG psychiatric insight: Yes. Redecorating beds always does make the infertile feel perky again.]

Sigh. Our irritation with this writing is only compounded by the fact that book publishers saw fit to give Britney and her mother a contract to co-write a book.

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