Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Casting Couch: $10,000

This ad appeared in the Los Angeles edition of Craigslist:

1980s most prominent soap stud's white couch set for sale.
$10,000. White herringbone cloth on black legs with chair and ottomon.
Cash or money order or certfied cashier's check only.
Serious inquires only, duh!
This item has been posted by-owner.
this is in or around hollywood hills
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Naturally, SPOGG had to write a letter to the stud. We'll let you know if he writes back.

Dear Soap Opera Stud,

As people who thoroughly enjoyed stud-filled soap operas in the 1980s, we are writing with more than casual interest in the couch, loveseat and ottoman you have listed for sale on Craigslist.

We sincerely wish you the best with your sale. We urge you, however, to correct the spelling and grammar on your advertisement. After all, you're asking for $10,000 for used furniture, and in your line of work, buyers must beware of what sort of use a couch might have received. In any case, you're far more likely to get it if you can demonstrate you know your way around a comma as well as fabric as improbable as "white herringbone."

And now for the corrections. For starters, you should refer to yourself as a "most-prominent" soap stud. In such descriptions, the hyphen is required, even if we must take your account of your prominence on faith. (Secretly, we're hoping you're Blackie. We never got the Luke thing.)

Second, it's "ottoman," not "ottomon."

Third, "cash, money order or certified cashier's check" is more elegant than the "or, or, or" construction you've come up with.

And finally, we believe the interjection "Duh" should be set off with an Em-dash. Or, it should be its own sentence. The comma -- duh -- makes it a run-on sentence.

Very sincerely yours,

The Members of The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar

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