Thursday, May 03, 2007

This is Scheinola...

We must stop reading Adam Schein's prose, because Fox's Scheinola is starting to look like that other, less-polite word that starts with s. Today he writes the following:
Obviously it is way too early to get into forecasts. [But he's going to do it anyway.] Seattle is a very good team; the Rams had a good draft and good free agency period; and I'm Rollin with Nolan and the Niners.

But I just love the direction Arizona is headed in, with its new impact players in the draft, its solid free agency period, and most especially, the
appointment of Whisenhunt and his staff to make it sing and maximize the
talented players they already have in the desert
Now, we love a semicolon as much, if not more, than the next guy. Schein's a bit liberal with them in the first paragraph. Easy, buddy! Semicolons are the bench-warmers of punctuation marks. You only play them when you need to.

Worse, though, is his second paragraph, where the team is simultaneously an "it" and a "they." Adam, Adam, Adam... either go with the singular American pronoun or the plural British one. If you do both, people will think you're Canadian or something. Is that the football league you really want to be covering?

Our recommendation to you: shorter sentences. These are the baby steps of prose. Once you can master a single noun and a single verb, we give you permission to insert adjectives and recursive phrases.

As it is, your random recursiveness just has us cursing. Scheinola!

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