Paris Hilton couldn't stop partying. She couldn't stop driving. She could, however, cut back severely on commas, hyphens and other necessary forms of punctuation.
We're just sorry we didn't see this bit on her MySpace page in time to watch the obese gogo dancers high-kick in person:
Paris Hilton Birthday Feb 17th at The Hard Rock
PARIS HILTON'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
February 13, 2007-
Paris Hilton, the Hottest Heiress in the world, will celebrate her birthday on Saturday, February 17th with a lavish celebrity-attended gala at The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, during the NBA All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas. She will be kicking it off with an exclusive party at Body English, the Hard Rock's $20-million [dollar] nightclub. Body English has featured the most intimate performances by such artists as Snoop Dog, Ludacris, Fat Joe and Velvet Revolver.
Paris Hilton, along with Nicky Hilton, Fergie, Jenna Jameson, Nicole Richie, Joel Madden, Elisha Cuthbert, Scott Storch, Fat Joe, and Snoop Dog, just to name a few , will be making their way Saturday Night to Body English Nightclub, inside the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, to blow out her candles and enjoy a special surprise musical performance by one of her friends who will be attendance [as opposed to a performance by someone who won't be there, we gather].
After Body English, Paris will be whisked upstairs to the Fabulous Penthouse Suite at The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, [that] which comes equipped with a bowling lane, for an ultra-exclusive VVIP party hosted by her good friend Jeff Beacher and his zany cast of characters as they present a special Mini Beacher's Madhouse. All the craziness that makes Beacher's Madhouse so special will be squeezed into the Penthouse for one special night for Paris [glad it's not another special night in Paris]. Beacher's Obese Go-Go Girl troupe, dozens of little people, live monkeys and Goat [Goat: Is this a band? Or a barnyard animal?] just to name a few, will all be apart of the mayhem. [We believe they will be a part, not apart, but perhaps this is selling short the judgement of the goats, the dwarves, and the dancing women.]
Paris has always held a place in her heart for The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and Jeff Beacher's Madhouse. Paris was quoted as saying, "I am so excited to celebrate my birthday with all my friends and Jeff Beacher's 'Mini Madhouse' at The Hard Rock hotel and Casino." [Do you think she made quote fingers when she said 'Mini Madhouse'?]