Dear Toronto Maple Leafs,
We are the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar, and we have no wish to create an international incident. Not a large one, at any rate.
Nonetheless, we are writing to inquire if the Canadian school system teaches its children how to construct plural nouns. We confess we are not as well informed as perhaps we could be with regard to your northern ways, though we do a mean Canadian accent, if we say so ourselves, eh?
Alas, we skate around our point. Frankly, you large and toothless hockey players scare us. We have no desire to receive a face-off. While we don’t know for sure what one is, we know it has something to do with hockey, and also that it sounds really painful.
About those plural nouns: Are we perhaps the first to inform you that the plural of “leaf” is “leaves”? If so, we are truly sorry.
Nonetheless, we urge you to stop referring to yourselves as the Maple Leafs. It makes you sound as though you'd taken one too many slapshots to your smartboxes. Maple Leaves has an equally lovely ring, if we say so ourselves.
Perhaps a fresh and grammatical start such as this would be just the thing to earn yourselves a playoff berth next year.
We’ll be watching.