Tales from the Casting Ouch

One of our readers is a Hollywood actress who will no doubt start getting even better parts when she is able to emulate the genuinely bad spelling and grammar directors use in their casting calls. Below are excerpts of classified ads that really ran, along with zingers from the thespian herself:

Director's note on a real casting call:
"I am a goo director"
How exactly does one direct goo? (SPOGG: Flubber!)

"Nicole is pregnant with her boyfriend Jason."
That's impossible.
And gross.

"We are BIZZZZY!!"
Nice to meet you, Bizzy. Are you the eighth of Snow White's friends?

"Plain collard shirts"
Do they have to be green?

"If you have you're own [costume]"
Truly possessed.

"Brake Danzers"
I'm picturing Tony Danza in the driver's seat.

"All elasticities welcome and highly encouraged to audition."
Did you mean ethnicities, or are you auditioning rubber bands?