Oh, You Illiterate Hoaxster

We just received this e-mail. Errors and our half-hearted attempts at correcting this heap of vile prose are in bold.

Hello, My name is Dr.David Morgan, a Petrol Chemical Contractor in West Africa, and a citizen of New Zealand. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal (lowercase e) cancer. It has defiled (defied) all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only (about - unnecessary) a few months to live, according to medical experts (Hey, wait - isn't he a doctor?). I have spent all i have on this illness and now, i am left with nothing except this fund ($6.5 Million United States Dollars) (which apparently isn't enough to buy uppercase letters when one needs them).

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business (Is his business human? Does this make him a pimp?).Though I am very rich, (But now - delete)I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world, but than God i am born again. (Say what?)

I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would (will) live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as few close friends. (Oh, inheritance. How fresh an act!)

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul, so I have decided to give also to poor and less priviledged ones in the society, such as victims of Katrina in New Orleans and Sunami victims in South East Asia as my contribution to man kind, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to Ophanage homes in Asia and South America, but they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended (content) with what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of $6.5Million(Eight million,five hundred thousand u.s dollars) that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. (We hope they're better at math than he is.)

I will want you to help me receive this fund and dispatched it to charities.

May Almighty God be with you.
Dr. David Morgan.