Oh, You Illiterate Hoaxster

We just received this e-mail. Errors and our half-hearted attempts at correcting this heap of vile prose are in bold.

Hello, My name is Dr.David Morgan, a Petrol Chemical Contractor in West Africa, and a citizen of New Zealand. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal (lowercase e) cancer. It has defiled (defied) all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only (about - unnecessary) a few months to live, according to medical experts (Hey, wait - isn't he a doctor?). I have spent all i have on this illness and now, i am left with nothing except this fund ($6.5 Million United States Dollars) (which apparently isn't enough to buy uppercase letters when one needs them).

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business (Is his business human? Does this make him a pimp?).Though I am very rich, (But now - delete)I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world, but than God i am born again. (Say what?)

I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would (will) live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as few close friends. (Oh, inheritance. How fresh an act!)

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul, so I have decided to give also to poor and less priviledged ones in the society, such as victims of Katrina in New Orleans and Sunami victims in South East Asia as my contribution to man kind, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to Ophanage homes in Asia and South America, but they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended (content) with what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of $6.5Million(Eight million,five hundred thousand u.s dollars) that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. (We hope they're better at math than he is.)

I will want you to help me receive this fund and dispatched it to charities.

May Almighty God be with you.
Dr. David Morgan.

Is There a Full Moon?

An interesting spelling choice in this AP story:

Yahoo Pulls News Discussion Feature
By BETSY SCHIFFMAN
The Associated Press

Got an opinion? Keep it to yourself.

Yahoo quietly pulled a discussion feature from its news site in recent weeks. Before, readers were allowed to post comments on individual news stories. The message boards were suspended, according to a note from Yahoo's general manager for news, Neil Budde, because they allowed "a small number of vocal users to dominate the discussion."

Commenters on Yahoo message boards are not a mild mannered bunch they can range from thoughtful and articulate to downright luny. Comments on any random Yahoo news story might have included bizarre rants about the war in Iraq or odd observations about Jon Stewart's hair.

Usually, one sees loony, not luny. Perhaps because we're far from lunatic, we prefer the whimsy of the former spelling. We suspect the Associated Press Style Guide does as well, but we're feeling too lazy to look it up.

P.S. We'll avoid the usual debate about "got" vs. "have." We've got no problem with "got," even though here, have would have been the more melodious choice.

Is Donald Trump "simple"?

Or is MSNBC host Joe Scarborough leading a "simple" life of his own? Yikes!

Trump kids defend dad in feud with Rosie
Ivanka and Donald Trump, Jr., say their father simple speaks his mind

Joe Scarborough
Host, ‘Scarborough Country’

The feud between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump keeps raging on. Now the Trump kids are weighing.

Weighing? Weighing what? Not Rosie, we hope.

Criminal Peeing? We Couldn't Resist

Authorities in Danville, PA have seen fit to charge a developmentally disabled 12-year-old with disorderly conduct for wetting her pants:

Girl, 12, charged for wetting pants
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

DANVILLE, Pa. -- A 12-year-old special education student was charged with disorderly conduct after authorities said she deliberately wet her pants at school.

The girl's mother said she urinated only because the principal frightened her.

The mother said in Thursday's Press Enterprise that the incident occurred last month, after the girl, classmates and teachers ate a holiday lunch at Danville Middle School.

The girl was told to go to the kitchen to wash some pots and pans, but refused, wet her pants after teachers summoned Principal Kevin Duckworth, the mother said.

The newspaper withheld the names of the girl and her mother.

Police Chief Eric Gill said school officials were at "wit's end" with the girl, and they believe her actions were deliberate.

Duckworth did not return calls for comment. School Superintendent Steve Keifer said only that police are generally called in only after "all other alternatives are exhausted."

Police told the girl's parents they could probably avoid a fine if they agree to have the girl do community service.

While we would like to think police have better things to do than go after disabled children, we still give them credit for having wits — and not just wit. So, it should have been wits' end.