Little Shop of Horrors

Sue sends these souvenirs of her Michigan vacation:

While we were in Michigan a couple of weeks ago, my sister got a catalog called "Touch of Class." It features Victorian-style furnishings (Diane owns a Victorian house built in 1900).

We got the giggles reading some of the descriptions, so I thought I'd pass a couple along. They may not be worthy of the web page, but they're good for a laugh anyway!

Description of a vase (I presume it's a vaaahze!):

As its name suggests in Japanese, the exquisite Takara Vase is indeed a possession you will "treasure." The body of the warm black cherry-colored porcelain urn has a central medallion design of roses in burgundy and gold, and scrolling fleurs on a creamy beige background...." [I have never heard of black cherry-colored stuff. Black-cherry-colored, yes, but not the other.]

In a description of some truly amazing bedding, they say, "...The rich, silky texture will bring unending praise to your boudoir while the brilliant colors bring the luxury of royalty to mind."

They also carry a product called the "Tiara Teester." (it should be a tester)

But this one takes the cake:

"Imagine an African woman in stylized tribal costume as you search for meaning in the handcrafted resin Delu Vase, 28''H. Dress is green, a color often symbolizing renewal and growth, with golden bronze striped highlights. Beige belt with buckle, wrapped neck, leaf embellishments, faux jewelry of metal and beads, and two brown tassels all provide accents."

Aaaaaugh

A terrible headline on a very sad story, sent to us by Catwoman.

Toddler Ran Over In Driveway, Dies
http://www.channel3000.com/news/14078927/detail.html

Watch Where You Sit

Catherine G. sends this today from work:

Good Afternoon:

Please be advised that there is a major chilled water leak in Griffith Hall 2nd floor. We are shutting down all chilled water to the building pending repairs to this situation.

If you have any questions please feel free to call Facilities @Ext.8955.

We appreciate your understanding to this emergency and apologize for any incontinence this may cause.

Thank You

Facilities dept.

Yes, this did make us wet our pants a little bit.

Bananas Splits

Many of us have been told not to split infinitives. This is largely a silly rule, used only to make English conform to the rules of Latin grammar. In Latin, an infinitive is one word. It can't be split.

This headline is a good example of why this rule is a bad practice in English:

Officials: Sen. Hagel not to run again
By DAVID ESPO
AP SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT

WASHINGTON -- Nebraska Sen. Chuck Hagel, a persistent Republican critic of the Iraq war, intends to announce on Monday he will not seek a third term, according to Republican officials.

More

He's "not to run" again? Does that mean he's been forbidden to run? That's what it sounds like.

But this isn't the case; the article says later it was his own decision.

A better solution here would be to say "won't run" instead of "not to run." But "to not run again" would have at least kept the intended meaning.

So go ahead and split infinitives if it keeps your meaning intact. Keep the words together in other cases, just so you won't raise the dander of the nuns and other rigid constructionists.

From the Confusing Headline Department

We found this headline online today:

B-52 carrying nukes mistakenly overfiles U.S.

We think they meant to say flies over, and tried to make that into the single faux-word overflies, but then transposed some letters.

Idiotic.

But not as stupid as sending armed nuclear warheads over the United States in a B-52 bomber. Read more...

Too Bad to Be True?

This sounds fishy, but nonetheless interesting for people who care about spelling:

Misspelling Costs eBay Seller $500,000
Posted Sep 4th 2007 5:39PM
by Terrence O'Brien
Filed under: eBay

Let this be a lesson to you: spell check, spell check, spell check. We can't say it enough. We're not spelling snobs. We don't even care if other people think you're a doofus. We just want to save you the pain and humiliation of losing $500,000 due to a bonehead-spelling mistake -- something one poor sap recently experienced on the mean streets of eBay through the sale of a priceless bottle of beer. (Read more)

Spelling aside, who'd pay half a million dollars for a bottle of beer? Sheesh.

This Makes Us Weep

From Salon.com:

From the Examiner via "Think Progress" comes this bit from from Jeffrey Toobin's new book on the Supreme Court: Justice David Souter was so troubled by the court's decision in Bush v. Gore that he sometimes weeped when he thought about the case and actually considered resigning over it. Toobin says that Souter decided to stay on "at the urging of a handful of close friends" but that his "attitude toward the court was never the same."

It should have been wept. He wept when he thought about the case. He's not the only one.

Commady!

This headline appeared on MSN.com today:

Bar patron awakens minus pants, containing $41,000

We get that he lost his pants. What we're wondering, though, was how someone stuffed him with $41,000. Even if they used large bills, that sort of thing sounds painful.

The Dangly Bits: Even Published Authors Do It

From a review in the Guardian of Anthony Loyd's "Another Bloody Love Letter":

At times, the drama is weakened by Loyd's writerly tics. At one point, he muses that "it was only a matter of time before their dumbfounded sledgehammer would recollect its sense and plough down on the ripe insurgent fruit". And he has an unfortunate habit of dangling his modifiers, the grammatical error that so amuses the pedants. Every half-dozen pages, one crops up: "A maverick of her generation, the men in my mother's life had always been more conservative than she." It's easy to forgive, but a more rigorous edit would have helped.

The rigorous edit here would have changed the sentence to read: "A maverick of her generation, my mother always dated men more conservative than she."

We love how British critics spank, then forgive. It's a nation of Super Nannies. Jolly good!

Plurals of Wisdom

The Washington Times contains this Q&A with our president.

Q: Mr. President, what do you think you have achieved with regards to U.S. ties with Asia during your time in office? And what do you consider to be unfinished business?
THE PRESIDENT: Unfinished business is North Korea. It's -- let me just say, it is finishing. In other words, we're making progress. The six-party talks is working.

Are working, Mr. President. Are working.