Romance Writing: Sometimes, It's a Bit Much

From SPOGG Scout Sue:

Dear Friends at SPOGG--

I just got a magazine called "Romance," from Harlequin Publishers. It has some really amazing and amusing prose in it. The best sentences are in an article written by a woman who won a prize in a writing contest, and I quote:

"…While having romance author-worthy amenities like a swimming pool bordering the sand and a bathtub positioned for gazing out to the ocean, the house also has unique flavors that give a little kick, such as a painting hanging on the wall by Dr. Seuss and a bouquet of colorful flowers wrapped in crisp green asparagus spears sitting on the counter...The calm solitude actually buzzes with life...she gives embracing hugs goodbye...."

We rolled on the floor laughing about the painting hanging by Dr. Seuss. We could not figure out the bouquet wrapped in asparagus spears--what was the author really intending to say?! I'm curious to know if this author won a writing prize, who else entered the contest?

Dear Sue,

Embracing hugs, eh? Are there any other kind? Also, who knew Dr. Seuss was in good enough condition to be hanging on the wall? And, about those asparagus spears... usually when romance writers are talking about spears, it's another kind entirely. What's more, it's deflowering they're concerned with -- not so much the bouquet kind. So, at least on that score, our bodices are heaving in relief.